For years, Aline thought “it will eventually come.” They'd even put themselves in uncomfortable situations to try and force it to happen. It never did. They felt isolated, excluded, and ashamed. What is life without experiencing sexual or romantic desire — from a one-night stand to a coupled relationship? At 20, they finally started to find answers.
Aline:
When I was 22, my life was pretty sweet. I was about to graduate from a prestigious business school and move back to Paris, where I grew up , I had close friends, and I was on track to have a good job.
Almost all the boxes were checked, and maybe that's why people were so surprised when they’d learn about the one box that wasn’t.
I was still a virgin
Once they got over the shock, they’d give me advice.
Montage of voices:
“It’s like cigarettes, you have to force yourself at the beginning”
“you should try to masturbate,
just do it with someone nice enough
“Just try, promise you’ll love it”
And so I did. But I did not love it.
I hated that I wasn’t into sex. Ever since I was a kid I wanted the life of a liberated woman, with sexual partners all around the world.
I know that’s what you’d expect from me too, if you’ve ever watched any films or TV shows set in Paris. A Life of passion, desire, and love.
You’re probably hearing accordion in your head right now as I'm speaking.
ACCORDION SOUNDS
It’s a cliche, but it’s sort of true. It’s part of French culture, and as a little girl in Paris I bought into many of these ideas.
In this podcast, I’m going to tell you how I finally came to accept myself as a-sexual and a-romantic in a society that is obsessed with sex and romantic love. It was a LONG journey.
And it brought me to Jo, my baby
BABY SOUNDS
I’m Aline Laurent Mayard and this is Free From Desire: asexual in the city of love.
Coming out June 7th.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts